grunting guy

by chris.

I sit down in my class and this grunting guy sits next to me. He doesn't
grunt when one might normally grunt, such as in affirmation or awe (Every
day there are an average of ten sex attacks on children. (grunt) ) but
rather at seemingly random moments during class. He grunts a few times
as he sits and puts his bag down, and then once he's settled down he grunts
once more.

By the next class I have printed out 124 pages that all say "Please stop
grunting, primate," in big bold letters centered in the middle of the page.
I get to class early and scatter the pages on and all around his seat.
Before this I always thought a person would be aware of noises coming from
his or her body. Now I'm not so sure, and I think, or hope, that these pages
will be a beacon of light and knowledge and realization to Grunting Guy, and
he will see how annoying he truly is and change his ways. These pages could
possibly change his life.

He skips class that day. Before this day, I just disliked Grunting Guy
because he annoyed me. Now I fucking hate him. I know he missed this class
just to spite me. I imagine his Neanderthal face laughing at me and mocking
me, and when he stops laughing he grunts a few times. I want to hit him. I
want to tear out his throat so the guttural grunts can no longer be emitted.
He'd drop to the floor with his hands covering his throat and blood would
wash over his arms. He'd try to scream but nothing would come out because
I'd be holding his throat in my hand. But I won't.

He comes to the next class and he has no idea.

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